I’ve yet to meet a ‘Do It Yourself Brain Surgeon’ but I’m sure if it were physically possible there would be a website to promote it along with the usual instructions for pituitary tumours, brain aneurism etc. A vital advancement in the field of medicine, brain surgery is a mystery to most of us but one we all agree is best left to someone else, preferably someone with great skill.

Of course my caustic humour is fully demonstrated when I state that I have never been introduced to a DYI neurologist. The cause of my cynicism has been heightened by a recent conversation with a prospective client who, throughout our discussion insisted that professionalism was the key factor in doing the job they required. Their insistence was intense – they wanted their organisation to be positioned with prestige, to impress celebrity clients, to convince and convict, to project an image of absolute sophistication and showcase their skill. It was only when we began to discuss what was needed and the mechanism for creating such work that a dreaded form of ‘incrementalism’ began to permeate the vocabulary.

Their office could do this little bit and they could engage a friend to do that part and ‘oh’ we could use our secretary, whose brother was a painter and decorator but wait there’s more – one of our partners wives is a bit of a dab hand with the camera, she could take the snaps and it went on and on.

It was then that I began to wonder about brain surgery. Can you imagine? “Well Doc, my brother’s a butcher he could open me up, my personal assistant has a new digital camera phone, she could take the x-rays and my new office scanner can handle the CAT scans. If you need a cheap set of knives, my best mates’ a Saw Doctor and my Mum loves me, she could be your theatre nurse. And don’t worry about closing, my Aunt is a quilter so stitching won’t be a problem!”

Now marketing isn’t brain surgery, but it’s a lot more than a hybrid of ‘wings and prayers’ and it has its comparisons. Like brain surgery you want to wake up and find the problem gone, you want to feel safe when it’s happening. You want assurances that you’ll recuperate and you won’t have further problems. You’ll want ongoing consultancy to ensure it doesn’t occur again and before you start you’ll want to know that your chances of survival are better than good.

If all this rings a bell there’s one thing we can all be certain of. You won’t be on a winner in Brain Surgery or Marketing with your Auntie Amy’s camera, your brother’s mates tools, your hotel sewing kit or your personnel. Sadly even your Mum can’t help – even if she still loves you.